Hille le.

The song gives me wierd long lost feelings. Feelings not close to anything ive felt in the recent times. Feelings that ive missed. Feelings that make me forget all the human concerns and worries. And guess what Im not worried now. Nor am i concerned.
Hille le is a song which defines good. I miss those times. The times when atrocities came down with a crash.
Expression is such an important thing. Yet so many people lack it. It makes you what you are. Yet reveals as much as you want. Each thud of the tabla reveals and expresses so much about what the person wants to convey. Its a high which cannot be felt otherwise.
When the song narrows down from a high note to the low one so smoothly as it feels im sitting in the same train to ahmedabad.
Life will never be the same again after these odd 16 days. Yet im not sad. Ive shed the tears I had to. And now I think Im ready to let go.
He is the one person ive always looked upto. A person, whom from my heart I believe that whatever he does cannot be wrong. This song reminds me of him.
I wish this life was what you expected it to be. I guess its always too much to ask.

Sunshine.

I THINK IM IN LOVE.... AGAIN!

Reality.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder why I put myself through this. I would like to take the easy way out, graduate with a B.Tech in a subject that I enjoy studying, and get into the working force. Already I'm begining to feel the pressures of having to make lots and lots of money. But I want to pursue something more...I can't explain exactly what I want. I guess I'm just begining to appreciate everything that I've learned in college (outside of the classroom of course). Imagine changing competely your view of the world in a relatively short period of time. Sometimes I tell myself that I haven't changed, stubbornly holding on to my carefree childish attitude. But I can't seem to suppress this new perception of the world. I can no longer pretend to be naive and ignorant, no matter how convenient it is for me. So I strive everyday to learn more about life and about people. Too bad classes get in the way. But its a small price to pay to interact with so many intriguing minds. I need to extend my time within the academic community. It seems as though graduate school is my only option. Unfortunately, this will take a little bit more sacrifice than I had anticipated.

Sunshine.. felt on my palm.

Q. What makes her so unhappy? What makes her so angry? Why does she act in ways i cannot comprehend?

A 1. Thats because she is fucked up inside!

A 2. Its because she loves me and cant take it that you are not with her when she needs me.

Well maybe neither of the two. First one i cannot accept because it is politically incorrect.
Second one has been proved wrong by many instances.

Maybe im just too immature to realise anything.

Underneath the bridge the tarp has sprung a leak and the animals Ive trapped
Have all become my pets and Im living off of grass and the drippings from the ceiling
Its okay to eat fish because they dont have any feelings

The man likes the look on your face, baffled, bewildered and perplexed. Though he is concerned this passes. The darkness will lift up. I have started feeling happy.

I Carry Your Heart.

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, 
I fear no fate
for you are my fate, my sweet
i want no world
for beautiful you are my world, my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart,i carry it in my heart

by E.E. Cummings

wish i cud personlize it. its for someone close to me. very close. 

not related to the blog. but the person is worth more.

Nebulous Fall.

The more you look forward to, the lesser the counter offers.

The light diminishes and you only have the fal to look forward to.

You get further hopeful when a stall breaks the fall, and before you realise, the fall resumes.

Rush of the blood to yourhead in unchecked, but the stalls make you feel the fall is over, but actually it is not. The only option you have is to voluntarily hit the ground. And that is irreversible.

the man has a smirk when you stall. he knows the momentary happiness will end. and that you will fall again. its like he has programmed it all. but you will not let him conquer.

Needle Vs. String

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

I swear i wudve stayed up, not just for you.. for me too. Turns out when the haze cleared, i did stay up. Didnt help. Faded away too fast. wasnt painful. still wonder if it was meant to be. still wonder if it did any indemnity or the speech always alleviated all the anguish. but for me it agitated a major portion of the part which just refused to give in to the numbness. which i think might be a farse altogether.

guess i really didnt know... how to save a life... couldnt save the one i wanted to. mine. soliloquy it is.. and a damn screwed up one.